Ana is still thinking…
I feel amnesia of the past. I feel calm knowing that it is a basic condition for adaptation. There is one thing in which I have succeeded and that is adaptation, with changes. I would recreate myself right away, without giving much thought to what I had left behind, with sadness but not with nostalgia. Being able to adapt to change involved forgetting, letting go of who I was before in order to become someone different. I thought it was fun to change places, people and the challenge of readapting gave me the adrenaline and pride that I needed in order to be able to achieve it.
I feel that I am beginning an investigation of myself that I would have wanted to start a long time ago. It makes me angry to think that my mother did not help me with these questions, what makes you happy? What are you good at? Who do you want to be?
Now I have to ask myself these questions not only for me but for my daughter, whom I want to discover and help to find out what her passions are.
The answer lies within; I only have to discover it during my inner search. My lack of analysis, my trust in my intuition and my need for action pushed me to make hasty decisions.
I am terrified by the casual question people ask: and what are you? The definition of mother of three, a good friend, a good wife, a good daughter is not enough for me. And anyway, who am I? I have always admired the “special” people, those who had a great project that defined them. I have always considered myself to be a person full of passion and energy… but now I ask myself if I am throwing it away… or better yet, am I not using it to the fullest.