Link Personality

If you often feel caught in the “in between” spaces of life, if you feel ill at ease, that you don’t fit in, that you’re constantly trying to sort out the many thoughts, feelings, perspectives, and truths that swirl around inside you, struggling to understand which of these is your truth, your real truth, then you might have a Link personality.

I found four variables that are always present in the history of the upbringing of these people:

  1. They seem to have an extreme capacity of empathy
  2. They were exposed to very different, sometimes even contradictory, values and points of view (feelings, goals, ethics, esthetics, thoughts). They appreciated in the same high degree a bit of each and every one of those values or points of view. 
  3. They know that their parents are “good people”, and they also know that they loved them deeply, but they feel that their parents don’t understand them and can’t help them to understand themselves either.
  4. Even though this condition is not as essential as A), B) and C) the presence of a meaningful death, or accident, or a threatening situation for the family, not necessarily for the child himself, is more common than in the childhood of other people.  

To see if you might have a Link personality, I invite you to respond honestly to the three short questionnaires in the Acting, Thinking, and Feeling sections below.

Act

If you answer affirmatively to three or more of the following statements...

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ACT

1…You find it difficult to have relatively unimportant social conversations, so called small talk, even though you know how to.

2…You find it difficult to come across a group, institution, person, job or place where you feel completely integrated and comfortable.

3…You continue to search for something more or different even when you find yourself in positions that most people would consider very satisfying. You may even be labeled as too ambitious.

4…You are accused of being difficult to understand, pinpoint and define even by the people that appreciate, admire or envy you.

5…You are invaded by thoughts and feelings that you can only share with very few people, and at the risk of being misunderstood. 

6…You feel, at certain times, unquestionably sure about what you know, think and feel and in complete control of the situation, and at other times, devastated and desperately insecure and lost.

7... You feel that you can live several lives as if each and every one of them could be your life with the same efficiency that you can relate to different kinds of people (politicians, artists, bankers, open-minded people, conservative people, etc) so well that you can be mistaken for one of them.

8... You feel that you do not want to be held down, to be tamed, but, in other moments you are completely taken by a need to fit in.

9… You find it difficult to make choices between different possibilities.

10… You say yes more often than you know you should, you may only say no to others in extreme situations and you feel compelled to solve other people’s problems, even if they don’t ask you to.

...it is possible that you are person with social phobias, obsessive compulsive, or a neurotic person. Another explanation could be that you are a Link and you don’t know yet what you you’re looking to connect.

Feel

If you answer affirmatively to three or more of the following statements...

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FEEL

1… You find it difficult to take sides during an argument because you think that each party holds a bit of truth.

2... You cannot completely enjoy your accomplishments, in any area, if someone close to you was unsuccessful or failed.

3…You find it very hard to face unavoidably competitive situations, even if they are only for fun, because winning leaves you with a feeling of sadness for those who lost.

4... Your emotional contacts seem erratic, because you need intimate encounters just as much as silence and solitude.

5…You are affected by other people’s emotions very easily and you fear to be insensitive and selfish if you do not feel the same pain or sadness that afflicts the other, even if it is not someone close to you.

6... You realize that you imitate with ease when you relate to others, you start to speak with their accent, your mood changes or you repeat things you do not think.

7...You are sometimes accused of invading other’s minds or you feel you are not considered or understood by others in the same way that you consider and understand others’.

8… You feel powerful, only to feel the next minute powerless.

9… You feel you’re looking for something that you cannot exactly pinpoint at.

10… You find it very difficult for you to find jobs, schools, clothes, houses, rituals, etc that fit you perfectly, in which you feel completely comfortable.

…it is possible that you are confused, that you rely excessively on other people’s opinion about you, that you do not know what you want. Or may be you are gifted in empathy; this creates serious difficulties to establish and respect boundaries and/or make decisions and stand by them. For now you are suffering the negative consequences, the burns and not the blessings of your condition because you still don’t know how to manage it.

Think

If you answer affirmatively to three or more of the following statements...

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THINK

1…Your thoughts shift in many different directions, you feel very contradictory and you find it difficult to stop thinking or to focus your thoughts in the direction you want.

2...You do not know how to explain how or why you reach certain conclusions because you observe, value and are profoundly impacted by details that most people do not even notice.

3...You make decisions based on facts that other people consider trivial, absurd or bizarre and you make connections between elements that belong to completely different universes.

4…Many times, you do not know if what you think is just a figment of your imagination and an inconsistent fantasy or in the worst case, dangerous, or an unknown and brilliant observation.

5…You get bored, feel empty or distressed if there are no projects, problems, mysteries to solve at particular moments of your vital circumstances.

6…You get angry if others ask you to justify why you say what you do, if you feel that your observations are obvious.

7… You find it easy to understand what the others’ need and want from you, but you find it extremely difficult to understand what you want or need from others.

8… You act as a very sociable and easy-going person even though you don’t share more intimate and personal feelings and thoughts with many people.

9… Conventional people think you are weird, revolutionary, and too “out of the box” and marginal people think you are submissive, dependent and too “in the box”.

10… You long to be at peace with yourself, to stop wandering and feel as a whole, to stop the constant ruminations of your mind.

…it is possible that you are too imaginative or chronically unsatisfied. Another explanation could be that you use intuition to understand reality and that you still do not know how to justify it with objective information.

If you answer “yes” to at least three questions in each section, then you might have a Link personality.

If these questions resonate with you as you think about yourself or another loved one, I believe my books Link and the Shooting Stars and No One Is to Blame: Understanding Your Link Child will help you understand who you are, how you came to be who you are, and how to learn to thrive rather than suffer as a Link. In short, how to thrive in the space of In Between.

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