Seekers Relief

Angela, a 60 years old Brazilian psychoanalyst, wrote after reading some parts of this blog: The question I ask myself is if I am still a seeker, but it seems that I am talking about something that I do not feel so attached to anymore; it feels like a distant past of which I have rational memory but not physical nor sensitive. With this I think that being a seeker can be cured and that you only remember having been one when you go through existential crisis but you recover quicker. Sometimes what I feel is a certain anxiety as if I had to mess life up a bit in order to spice it up. But I also know the risks I am taking and I do not want to get lost in them again. It is funny that when this happens I dream about things that my father told me, like a phrase: “always leave with enough cash for a cab fare because if it gets ugly somewhere you can always come home”. Like this, I have other safe places that exist inside of me, in my dreams. I have not lost the gift of empathy. What has changed is that I can easily perceive what is mine and what belongs to the others. I can now easily detect what is mine and what is not. This is a relief because I no longer feel overwhelmed by the confusion. It is like I have this tool in my hands. Maybe this is a road to recovery; to be able to use one’s gifts in the best way for oneself. I no longer feel at the mercy of this trait, I use it when necessary and I abandon it when my rebellious nature seems to push me to be into trouble. 


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